Multi-Tasking
I figure RETIRED has to be a seven-letter acronym for something. And, as near as I can tell so far, it stands for something like Repair Everything That Is Repairable Every Day for the rest of your natural-born life.
Case Number 1: It all started, you understand, right off the bat with the right front tire on the Jeep Cherokee. It went flat going down the mountain and was ruined before I could do anything about it. So I pull slowly into the Whitehead Store which sells Vienna sausages, soda crackers, pickled pigs feet and tires. Welter Hamm, the owner who was working on a lawnmower at the time, cocked his head at the sight and sound of rim on pavement and gave his cranium a slow, knowing shake from side to side. Turns out he had exactly one tire, new or used, that would fit. It was a new one.
"How much do you want for it?"
"$57."
He had the old one off and the new one mounted and balanced before I could decide between the pigs feet and sausages for lunch.
"What the total, Welter?"
"I done told you. $57."
I gave him three $20 bills and told him to keep the change. He tucked the cash into his shirt pocket and went back to repairing the lawnmower.
Case Number 2: The Honda Civic (190,000+ miles and counting) has been sitting around of late and out of protest, I suspect, will not crank. Since I'm not commuting these days, I'm going to sit out this petite protest until it decides it would like to crank. Pssst, little 1992 Honda Civic, a word to the wise: it really hurts a lot when that big old crusher thingy flattens you into a pancake.
I hate cars.
Case Number 3: The fan motor on the air conditioning system decides it's TIME TO MAKE A LITTLE RACKET. So, I call the Trane people and they want $295 for a replacement motor and it's not in stock. So I call an industrial supply house and they want $78 for a motor with the same specifications and it's in stock. Well, folks, that's pretty much a no-brainer. I'm saving $217 before taxes. Even with a little side trip to Harbor Freight on the way back from picking up the motor (but, my dear friends, we're not going to tell the CFO about that, are we?) and the $57 for the new tire, I'm still way ahead. And that's not even counting the 100% savings on the service call that was not made by a repair guy. Man, I should have retired years ago!
So there I am in the utility room, figuring out that the purple wire from the air exchanger goes with the black wire on the motor, the white wire goes with the white wire, the blue wire on the motor goes nowhere because low speed is not used, all the while washing a load of clothes in the washing machine on which the motor and fan unit are sitting. Multi-tasking, as it were. But, suddenly the thought struck me that I was, at that very moment, probably the only person on the entire planet simultaneously sorting out the wiring for an HVAC unit and washing underwear. Then the thought struck me that perhaps no one has ever done that in the history of mankind!
Ain't RETIRED wonderful?
Case Number 1: It all started, you understand, right off the bat with the right front tire on the Jeep Cherokee. It went flat going down the mountain and was ruined before I could do anything about it. So I pull slowly into the Whitehead Store which sells Vienna sausages, soda crackers, pickled pigs feet and tires. Welter Hamm, the owner who was working on a lawnmower at the time, cocked his head at the sight and sound of rim on pavement and gave his cranium a slow, knowing shake from side to side. Turns out he had exactly one tire, new or used, that would fit. It was a new one.
"How much do you want for it?"
"$57."
He had the old one off and the new one mounted and balanced before I could decide between the pigs feet and sausages for lunch.
"What the total, Welter?"
"I done told you. $57."
I gave him three $20 bills and told him to keep the change. He tucked the cash into his shirt pocket and went back to repairing the lawnmower.
Case Number 2: The Honda Civic (190,000+ miles and counting) has been sitting around of late and out of protest, I suspect, will not crank. Since I'm not commuting these days, I'm going to sit out this petite protest until it decides it would like to crank. Pssst, little 1992 Honda Civic, a word to the wise: it really hurts a lot when that big old crusher thingy flattens you into a pancake.
I hate cars.
Case Number 3: The fan motor on the air conditioning system decides it's TIME TO MAKE A LITTLE RACKET. So, I call the Trane people and they want $295 for a replacement motor and it's not in stock. So I call an industrial supply house and they want $78 for a motor with the same specifications and it's in stock. Well, folks, that's pretty much a no-brainer. I'm saving $217 before taxes. Even with a little side trip to Harbor Freight on the way back from picking up the motor (but, my dear friends, we're not going to tell the CFO about that, are we?) and the $57 for the new tire, I'm still way ahead. And that's not even counting the 100% savings on the service call that was not made by a repair guy. Man, I should have retired years ago!
So there I am in the utility room, figuring out that the purple wire from the air exchanger goes with the black wire on the motor, the white wire goes with the white wire, the blue wire on the motor goes nowhere because low speed is not used, all the while washing a load of clothes in the washing machine on which the motor and fan unit are sitting. Multi-tasking, as it were. But, suddenly the thought struck me that I was, at that very moment, probably the only person on the entire planet simultaneously sorting out the wiring for an HVAC unit and washing underwear. Then the thought struck me that perhaps no one has ever done that in the history of mankind!
Ain't RETIRED wonderful?
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