New Glasses
I played golf in my new eye glasses for the first time yesterday.
Now, if you don't play golf, that probably doesn't sound like a big deal. But, in the game of golf, it's very important to know how far away the ground is from various parts of your body at all times. And, with new continuously variable lenses, you just never know for sure. I remember when I got my first pair and tried to open the car door for the first time, I missed the keyhole completely. It takes practice to learn where things -- like the ground -- have gone.
So, I'm prepared for the worst.
On the first hole, I find the ball on the tee but it goes right and hits a tree. I lay up to 100 yards. With wedge in hand, it hit the ball with the ground still half an inch away from the club and skull it over the green. Chipping back to withing 20 feet, I make a long put for a bogie. One over.
The tee shot on the second hole is deep in the woods to the left. The pitchout is through the green to the woods on the right. The shot to the green hits a tree and falls into deep rough. The pitch shot to the green is well left after the grass grabs the hosel. Two putts for a double bogie. Three over.
On the third hole, the tee shot is into the woods on the left. The pitchout is -- you guessed it -- into the woods on the right. Lost. Triple bogie. Six over after three holes.
I'm ready to throw the new eyeglasses into the nearest body of water.
But, on the fourth hole, a par 3, I hit the flagstick for a gimme birdie. Five over.
Well, maybe they aren't so bad afterall.
I finish the front nine with par, bogie, bogie, bogie, par for a weak 44. Eight over.
The jury is still out.
On the tenth, I draw my approach shot into the bunker and pitch out to six inches for a gimme par.
On the eleventh, it's missed second shot and a high sand wedge over the bunker to six feet. One put for a par.
On the twelveth, it's a long shot to a par three. Two putts. Par.
On the thirteenth, it's driver right, shot under the trees, and low pitch shot to two feet. One putt for a par.
Hey, I'm even par through Amen Corner, folks. Love those new glasses.
On the fourteenth, It's a long tee shot and a draw too far into deep rough. The ball doesn't come out cleanly but it does the second time. The long putt back misses for a double bogie. Ten over.
Couldn't exactly blame that brain cramp on the glasses.
Routine pars on the fifteenth, sixteenth and seventeenth.
Nice tee shot on the eighteenth. Chuncked second. Pitch shot from 90 yards to 2 feet. One putt for a par.
That's 8 pars and a double bogie for a 38 on the back side, folks. And, the ten over par 82 is good for $21 in bets.
Think maybe I'll keep the new glasses.
Now, if you don't play golf, that probably doesn't sound like a big deal. But, in the game of golf, it's very important to know how far away the ground is from various parts of your body at all times. And, with new continuously variable lenses, you just never know for sure. I remember when I got my first pair and tried to open the car door for the first time, I missed the keyhole completely. It takes practice to learn where things -- like the ground -- have gone.
So, I'm prepared for the worst.
On the first hole, I find the ball on the tee but it goes right and hits a tree. I lay up to 100 yards. With wedge in hand, it hit the ball with the ground still half an inch away from the club and skull it over the green. Chipping back to withing 20 feet, I make a long put for a bogie. One over.
The tee shot on the second hole is deep in the woods to the left. The pitchout is through the green to the woods on the right. The shot to the green hits a tree and falls into deep rough. The pitch shot to the green is well left after the grass grabs the hosel. Two putts for a double bogie. Three over.
On the third hole, the tee shot is into the woods on the left. The pitchout is -- you guessed it -- into the woods on the right. Lost. Triple bogie. Six over after three holes.
I'm ready to throw the new eyeglasses into the nearest body of water.
But, on the fourth hole, a par 3, I hit the flagstick for a gimme birdie. Five over.
Well, maybe they aren't so bad afterall.
I finish the front nine with par, bogie, bogie, bogie, par for a weak 44. Eight over.
The jury is still out.
On the tenth, I draw my approach shot into the bunker and pitch out to six inches for a gimme par.
On the eleventh, it's missed second shot and a high sand wedge over the bunker to six feet. One put for a par.
On the twelveth, it's a long shot to a par three. Two putts. Par.
On the thirteenth, it's driver right, shot under the trees, and low pitch shot to two feet. One putt for a par.
Hey, I'm even par through Amen Corner, folks. Love those new glasses.
On the fourteenth, It's a long tee shot and a draw too far into deep rough. The ball doesn't come out cleanly but it does the second time. The long putt back misses for a double bogie. Ten over.
Couldn't exactly blame that brain cramp on the glasses.
Routine pars on the fifteenth, sixteenth and seventeenth.
Nice tee shot on the eighteenth. Chuncked second. Pitch shot from 90 yards to 2 feet. One putt for a par.
That's 8 pars and a double bogie for a 38 on the back side, folks. And, the ten over par 82 is good for $21 in bets.
Think maybe I'll keep the new glasses.
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