It Went That Away (Maybe)

Well, folks, first thing this morning (actually, first thing this morning right after I vacuumed the floors), I went down to Lowe's Home Improvement Center to buy a jug of "That Away". Let me tell you, something. They have about a thousand cleaning products and not a single one of 'em even mentions "that" as something it will remove. In fact, after an hour of reading the fine print, I could not find a single reference to "that". So, I went over to the place in the store where they sell cabinets and counters.

I explained to the nice lady there that I was a desparate house husband in need of removing something called "that" from the countertops in order that we could sell the house. I further explain that I cannot see the "that" that I am to remove. "Not to worry", she comforts me. She has just the thing. Countertop Magic at $4.88 a bottle. Bingo!

So, off I go with my bottle of Countertop Magic in tow. Shake well. Spray. Wipe with a cloth to clean. Polish with a dry cloth. Hmmm. Sounds a little like Windex to me but, what the heck, I'll try anything. Besides, we still have some 30-year old baby diapers somewhere that should be perfect.

I'm proud to tell you that I've now cleaned all the countertops with Countertop Magic in accordance with the instructions. Is the "that" gone? How would I know? Remember, I could not see "that" in the first place. However, I'm going to use the same logic as subatomic physicists to know; specifically, if "this" then "that":

(A) If the CFO comes home and says "Hey, where did the "that" go?", then I will know "that" is gone.

(B) If she comes home and does not mention "that", I'll operate on the assumption that "that" is gone and she just didn't notice.

(C) However, if she comes home and says "Hey, why is "that" still here?", I'm taking that $4.88 bottle of Countertop Magic back to Lowes and demanding a full refund.

And, dear friends, I hope that is the end of "that".