The Church Nazi

Ok, all you snake handlers, feet washers and holy rollers out there, listen up. The new Roman Catholic pope, Benedict XVI, sez that you are going to Hell. That's right, folks. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. According to him in a document released yesterday, none of you Protestants can get to Heaven unless, of course, you become a Catholic. It claims that all other Christian communities are either defective or are not true churches at all. They are, if you will, just not up to the task of providing you with a path to Salvation. No Heaven for you!

What a bozo! All that was settled in the 30 Years War that ended in 1648. Game over, Benny. Quit being such a sore loser.

And, it is not as if the Roman Catholic Church is all that perfect itself. Take, for example, that part of the Adam and Eve story right after God gave them the bad news about having to toil all the rest of their days:

Then the LORD God said, "Behold, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil."

Like one of us? What say ye of that Ben?

But, no, you guys threw out the Gnostics who had the answer at the first Council of Nicæa in 325AD and inserted as the first article of faith in the Nicene Creed:

We believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of all things visible and invisible.

Perhaps you guys were so busy trying to burn all the Gnostic texts that you just forgot to clean up that messy little "one of us" thingy in the Book of Genesis while you were at it?

You have now dissed the Muslims and the Protestants, Mr. Benedict XVI. Who's next? Hindus or Buddhist?

Just a word to the wise, old boy. Leave them snake handles alone or Your Holiness just might find yourself back in the hills with a big old Timber Rattler Duck-taped in your hand, testing your faith in earnest.