Weeds

God, it seems, was somewhat more angry at Adam and Eve than we are lead to believe in the Bible:

And to Adam he said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, `You shall not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth to you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return."
God, you understand, didn't stop at thorns and thistles in the weed department. No, sir. For the flatlands, he also invented kudzu. And, for us folks here on the mountains, he added Acer spicatum, the $^%&#*@^ Mountain Maple, for good measure.


It's basically a scrub maple that grows at elevations above 4000 ft and colonizes the understory of forests during an ecological succession. And, that's exactly what is happening here on Sunset Ridge.

Now, just why we are having an ecological succession and why are these things growing at 3650 feet? I think I know the answer.

God, you see, never mentioned retirement when he spoke to Adam. To the contrary, he decreed that Adam should toil "all the days of your life". Nope, not a thing about 401k's or pension plans.

Now God saw that ole Dave wasn't toiling hard enough in retirement and sez "I'll fix that lazy SOB with an outbreak of them $^%&#*@^ Mountain Maples out there in his little Garden of Eden."

And so it has come to pass that Dave has been toiling his butt off, killing the $^%&#*@^ Mountain Maple weeds in his garden of trees. Pulling 'em up by the roots, chopping them off, poisoning them with chemicals. I'm not choosy about the cause of their demise so long as they die.

So, I invite all you retirees to come on up and join my toil if you don't want weeds to start growing in your garden.

And, no, a bad round of golf doesn't count as toil.

Comments

Popular Posts