Billy

There's so much going on that I don't know where to start. OK, I'll begin with CJ's Hardware. Now CJ's is the other hardware store in town -- a classical hardware store -- and caters to the local farmers. Translation: They don't carry Christmas lights and such, but if you need a replacement teat for your calf nursing bucket or maybe a dehorning saw, they are the place for you. Anyhow, I walked in and immediately knew something had changed because you could actually find want you wanted without assistance. Translation: The place was no longer in shambles and somebody had swept the floor ... this year. Turns out, CJ's has new owners, Arvie Perry and some other guy. Now, Arvie is the best mason in the area and he did all the rock work at our place. Nice guy, too, but he and Lyle went to the same School of Customer Relations. Still, it's an improvement because the former owner always gave you a "You ain't from around here, are you?" look if you didn't come in with cow poop up to your knees and made you wait while he served those who did.

Anyhow, as I was coming in, I met Clifford going out.

"How's that goat doin'?", he asked?

I guess I haven't told all y'all about the goat, have I?

I've always wanted a goat and the other day I ran into a fellow who had a nice one for sale at a really good price. So I bought the goat -- it's a billy goat named Billy (well, actually William Jefferson Clinton, but I just call him Billy for short -- and put him in the back of the Jeep with Sam and Murphy and brought him home. What a sight with Murphy's head sticking out one back window and Billy's out the other. Sam was just sitting in the middle, shaking her head in disbelief.

Now, I'm the first to admit that I don't know much about goats. Otherwise, I would have know that Billy was a finicky eater with a delicate tummy. What to do? I know even less about goat food than I do goats. But, ole Clifford seems to know about most such things and I went to see him, seeking advice on feeding my goat. Sure enough he had an old family recipe (his father was a famous goat farmer up in Virginia) for goat feed and he gave me all the particulars for buying the ingredients and preparing the stuff. He even told me about a particular feed mill down in Wilkes County that grinds the best corn in just the right way for soothing a finicky goat's belly.

I told Clifford that the goat was about the same as when I last saw him because I'd been working on my heating and cooling system of late and hadn't had time to go to the mill just yet.

"Alright then. Let me know how it works out."

I'm sure it will.

Baaaah.