Of Mice & Men
The mouse mortality rate has slow a bit. The two last night and two the night before bring the total to an even dozen during this current eradication campaign.
While taking this photograph of poor Victor here, I got to thinking once more upon the problem of handgun usage during the commission of violent crimes. Perhaps my proposal for punishment is a bit too unfeeling and, in the off chance that we have misinterpreted the Scriptures (or that some monk made an error in translation or transcription many, many years ago before King James had his translation made), we would still want God to forgive what we do.
Now, don't get me wrong because I am a firm advocate of capital punishment. But, hanging with a short drop is a terrible way to die. It's basically a case of rope-induced asphyxiation. Hanging with a long drop breaks the neck and produces a much quicker death. But, it's quite a bit more complicated and if the drop distance calculated using body mass and neck strength is too conservative (that is, too long), the head sometimes pops off at the fatal moment. And, a head rolling across the floor and blood gushing from the neck stump with each dying heartbeat is a very nasty thing for the children to see on live television.
Accordingly, out of human compasion, I propose that we give the condemned a choice of either being hanged with a short drop or whacked with a man-sized Victor mousetrap. (I would call it a mantrap but that's already taken.) Indeed, Victor traps of all sizes are deadly effective at what they do.
In the case of the Victor used for the execution of gun toters, the board would be stood vertically. A measure would be made of the distance from the condemned's feet to just below the Adam's apple and the height of the bar adjusted accordingly. The bar would be cocked and the safety latch locked. The condemned would then be marched into position. Upon an instruction being given for the condemned to "Say Cheese", the executioner would press a button on a remote control device, releasing the safety latch. Bam! The neck is cleanly broken, the passage of air stopped immediately. Based on my experience with mice, death is nearly instantaneous. The head always stays intact with no unsightly loss of blood through any orifice. The problem of involuntary urination and defecation common to hanging, however, will still persist. But, then again, that's why they make Pampers for adults.
There. I feel better already!
While taking this photograph of poor Victor here, I got to thinking once more upon the problem of handgun usage during the commission of violent crimes. Perhaps my proposal for punishment is a bit too unfeeling and, in the off chance that we have misinterpreted the Scriptures (or that some monk made an error in translation or transcription many, many years ago before King James had his translation made), we would still want God to forgive what we do.
Now, don't get me wrong because I am a firm advocate of capital punishment. But, hanging with a short drop is a terrible way to die. It's basically a case of rope-induced asphyxiation. Hanging with a long drop breaks the neck and produces a much quicker death. But, it's quite a bit more complicated and if the drop distance calculated using body mass and neck strength is too conservative (that is, too long), the head sometimes pops off at the fatal moment. And, a head rolling across the floor and blood gushing from the neck stump with each dying heartbeat is a very nasty thing for the children to see on live television.
Accordingly, out of human compasion, I propose that we give the condemned a choice of either being hanged with a short drop or whacked with a man-sized Victor mousetrap. (I would call it a mantrap but that's already taken.) Indeed, Victor traps of all sizes are deadly effective at what they do.
In the case of the Victor used for the execution of gun toters, the board would be stood vertically. A measure would be made of the distance from the condemned's feet to just below the Adam's apple and the height of the bar adjusted accordingly. The bar would be cocked and the safety latch locked. The condemned would then be marched into position. Upon an instruction being given for the condemned to "Say Cheese", the executioner would press a button on a remote control device, releasing the safety latch. Bam! The neck is cleanly broken, the passage of air stopped immediately. Based on my experience with mice, death is nearly instantaneous. The head always stays intact with no unsightly loss of blood through any orifice. The problem of involuntary urination and defecation common to hanging, however, will still persist. But, then again, that's why they make Pampers for adults.
There. I feel better already!
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