Freedom of Mind

And now from Large, his new low-cost home security system:

Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls — they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

Simply elegent, don't you think?